Doomsday Scenario
Today, in a shocking announcement that sent socially inept people around the world in a fit of rage, the internet proclaimed they are officially out of cat-oriented content.
“We’ve been aware of a possible depletion of cat-themed videos, captioned pictures, memes, .gifs, and just about every other possible electronic medium,” the internet confessed. “We just figured it was a problem that was going to solve itself. Like more people would just take more pictures of cats.”
Currently, alternatives to adorably fuzzy kitties are being explored. As of this writing, the following animals have been considered but quickly dismissed for various reasons:
- Dolphins: too pretentious
- Seahorses: too confusing
- Dinosaurs: limited photographic evidence available
- Giraffes: dumb legs
- Birds: never pay for flights or bread
- Bears: too much fur
- Dogs: too obvious
- People: not enough fur
The internet went on to explain they have no intention to intervene, “We can’t just generate pictures of cats for you guys. That’s your job. As the internet, we only have the capability to connect people from all around the globe instantly and continuously. What you do with that is totally up to you, and since you’ve all decided it would best be used to write captions in shitty English over pictures of the least useful domesticated animal, this whole ordeal is on you.”
Instead of using the most effective communication medium ever conceived for creating complex and well-informed dialogues concerning important social issues, exchanging ideas and solutions to solve problems like hunger and disease, or at least finding a way to get LMFAO to stop making music, humanity as a whole has decided to keep using the internet to dick around at work and send poorly framed pictures of their genitals to their grandparents by accident.
