February 2012
14 posts
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Sound Advice 33: Map Time
Remember that time I wrote about Canada? Turns out we did a whole podcast based around that. Check it out here:
Sound Advice 33: Map Time
Enjoy!
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3D Movies That Would Be Better Than Star Wars In...
The following is a list of movies—both real and made up—which the 3D versions of would be better than Star Wars: Episode I in 3D.
Citizen Kane in 3D (I’ve never seen it, but I hear it’s got a nice cane in it)
Avatar 3D in 3D (Avatar was a mediocre movie in 2D, it was probably terrible in 3D, but I bet in 6D it’s amazing)
Frothy Diarrhea in 3D (I’m currently working on the script for this—also...
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Let Me Explain To You Why Nature Sucks
Nature is boring and it sucks. If you disagree, it’s because you’ve never lived in nature. It’s always really easy for people who have never had to live in nature to talk about how beautiful and amazing it is.
I guess I should define what I mean by nature. When I say nature, I’m talking about everything outside of the human distraction. Essentially, if it isn’t anything like society, culture,...
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Sound Advice 32: Movie Madness 2: Movie Harder
...
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Why You Should Be Terrified Of Bugs
The following is a list of reasons explaining why you, the average human, should be absolutely scared of bugs:
They outnumber the shit out of me and you by at least ten or maybe even a hundred
They don’t fear us, no matter how much we yell at them
Pincers
Can you really trust anything with more than two legs?
Have you ever seen one up close? Lemme show you:
They actually buy into the...
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My Twilight Fan Fiction*
*(I must introduce this by disclosing that I am not familiar with the Twilight franchise. I have never read any of the novels. I have also never seen any of the films. All of this is based off what I have been able to pick up from edited-for-television trailers and advertisements. I then combined that knowledge with what I know about vampires from watching Interview with a Vampire when I was...
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Sound Advice 31: Getting Sick
I let you in on...
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A Classically Trained Analysis
Musicians are strange. Not just because their profession requires them to manipulate vibrations—something I’m still convinced is witchcraft—but also because they don’t mind being “classically trained.”
If you meet a musician who is classically trained, it means they understand the intricacies and aspects of music as established by theories and practices created centuries ago. Essentially, a...
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Sound Advice 30: Imagination Shed
In which I...
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Lyrical Analysis: "Runaway" By Kanye West
It’s been awhile since one of my favorite albums, Kanye West’s My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, was released. I’ve always enjoyed the rhythmic and lyrical selections West constructed for this collection of songs. However, it doesn’t take much insight to realize that Kanye West is, as Maria Bamford once put it in regard to Alicia Keys, a silly goose.
I thought it would be interesting to really...
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Look Guys, I’m An Adult And I Deserve An Adult...
And I’m gonna put that adult drink into an adult glass—no sippy cups for this grown man. Occasionally I do indulge in some of the devil’s backwash (that’s an old southern saying I made up just now), and aside from the normal disadvantages that are expected with such reckless consumption (blacking out, damaging relationships with family and friends, being arrested), there is one aspect of this...
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Please Take My Internet Survey
I’m doing some pretty crucial research for a thing where I’m pretending to do some pretty crucial research. I’m studying how people spend their time on the internet. Please take the following survey. Remember to add up your points (the numbers next to each answer) at the end to see what kind of internet personality you have. Also remember that this is serious research.
What kinds of websites do...
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Why Gas Prices Aren't Actually Going Up As...
Oil companies today insisted their American customers are not experiencing increased prices at gas stations as a result of the whims and interests of billionaires and are, instead, seeing an exponential growth in their automobiles’ gas tanks. Relying completely on the goldfish-like memory and apathetic worldviews of the American public, nearly every oil company in the world has agreed that gas...
