August 2011
24 posts
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Sound Advice 11: Back to School Sale
Learn to...
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Sage Advice 46: L2Riot
Just a short time ago, I was watching riot footage from England in between back episodes of Blue’s Clues and Jerry Springer (I feel that consistent viewing of these two programs gives me the firm grasp over reality that I strive to claim). It was interesting, albeit tragic, to see such a recognizable city be ravaged by its own inhabitants. I read reports that most of the rioting started, but...
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Sound Advice 10: Understanding the Intentionally...
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Sage Advice: A Reminder
“Whomville, an inner city neighborhood found within Whoville, is named such because it is the object of Whoville’s oppressive sentences.” -Dr. Seuss after watching The Wire
Also, read Sage Advice 45 and listen to Sound Advice 9.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
-Matthew Fugere
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Sage Advice 45: That Kid Knows A Thing Or Two...
I remember back in high school there was this commercial that got played often on television advertising military recruitment. It had an interesting premise, the main tagline being: If someone wrote your life story, would anyone read it?
The tagline would have made more sense if it went: Would anyone bother writing your life story? The basis of the original line seems fundamentally flawed to me;...
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Sound Advice 9: Avoiding Disaster
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Sage Advice 44: The 30 Day Drawing Challenge...
I recently stumbled upon an interesting challenge on the internet: a challenge to draw something everyday for 30 days. The list was kind of boring and generic, but I assume the point is to just hone on your illustrative abilities by giving you a daily artistic goal. But, as we all know, I’m better than everyone at everything, so I’ll be doing this challenge in...
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Sound Advice 8: Willard: Gem of the East
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Sage Advice 43: Myrtle Beach Drunk
I’m quite the expert on fine wine (I’m also very fond of those words rhyming). It’s taken years of not studying or actually drinking any kind of wine to understand the intricacies of such a sophisticated beverage. I thought it would be beneficial for you and me (more you than me, let’s be honest) to share my knowledge of the drink of kings. Without further ado, I present a list of some of the...
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Sage Advice 42: A Majestic Creature
A recent important court decision made me think far more thoroughly about cows than I am used to. I agreed with the judge’s overall sentiment regarding the beasts: they are gentle, peaceful, giving creatures who far too often have these admirable traits used against them for the purpose of their own demise.
I’m not saying I’m against the consumption of the barnyard’s most noble animal, but I can...
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Sage Advice 41: Special
It’s very difficult to openly criticize a woman with whom you’re flirting, but a few years back I was put into such a situation due to the excess amount of things I didn’t like her saying coming out of her mouth hole. It was a painful moment; she seemed as though she was setting herself up to be the target of my ridicule.
The main point of her side of the conversation was how amazingly unique she...
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Sage Advice 40: Plato's Beard
Plato’s view of a functional state was divided into three crucial, seemingly interdependent types of people found in the society: protective, productive, and governing. Like a tripod of stability, each section of the state has an important and unique task that neither of the other parts could equally perform.
What a freakin’ ‘tard. Good thing everyone stopped taking all the crap that spewed out...
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Sage Advice 39: Shakespeare
Shakespeare is usually hailed as one of the greatest writers of the English language. It’s an interesting suggestion when you consider how often he just made up words and how many guys he totally banged (not that there’s anything wrong with that, but how could anyone get anything done with all that awesome gay sex going on?).
You would think that to be considered a master of a particular language,...
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Sage Advice 38: Effective Business Solutions
I’ve talked about business on Sage Advice before, so I figured I’d offer some more information on the topic based off some of my personal experiences. Placing your business in the right location can be key to successfully hooking and keeping customers. There are all kinds of things to consider. Is there parking? Is the surrounding area saturated with competition? Is it illegal to build on Indian...
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Sage Advice 37: Seagull Legs
Probably the best advice I ever received was during my junior year of high school. I was in an art class, working on my final project, a painting. The entire class had attempted to build to that moment; the students were to use the techniques learned and practiced from the previous lessons to create a portrait of expression using one of the most respected mediums in two-dimensional human...
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Sage Advice 36: Fresh Air
I’ve been trying to find something other than oxygen to use for breathing for a long time now. I’ve tried all kinds of different elements to make my lungs work without the tried and true, life-providing atom that is oxygen. It took me years, but just last week I finally came across something that allows your body to continue breathing without all the yummy stuff that comes in your typical batch of...
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Sage Advice 35: Sandwich Week
My beard has grown numb once more, so that can only mean one of two things: either someone has been throwing ice at me while I sleep again or it’s Shark Week. I looked around the internet and it turns out that no one has thrown even one ice cube at me, so it must be Shark Week.
I understand that filling programming about animals must be difficult (after all, how many times can you really talk...
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Sage Advice 34: Social Homicide Merit Badge
The number of ways to compare Girl Scouts to drug dealers is frightening. As if being masked with adorable appearances that remove all suspicion from their existence wasn’t enough, these community-health leeches are endorsed and supported by nearly everyone they come in contact with.
Let’s really think this through. What are the similarities between Girl Scouts and drug dealers?
1. They both...
